The life which has been bestowed upon me

*jerseyse410* · 10-14-2008, 07:44 AM

A little something i wrote while i was on skype last night, not as long as my other poem but still something. a little rough but any feedback would be nice. please keep religious discussion/flaming to a minimum.

I dream of world I cannot see,
A world of free of hate and strife.
I wonder what if satan had never come to be,
Adam and Eve living such a glorious life.

We are bound on this earth as if we cannot flee,
Wondering, waiting if we can ever overcome.
The original sin, the one who died for me,
The perfect self that I dream I can become.

The life I had, the life I want,
God became Christ, Christ became savior.
Christ became love, Christ became not,
I live, I die, what can I say for my own behavior?

This world that has been set before me,
It was made and given for me to live.
A guardian, a watcher I was made to be,
What can I do, for the one who made me what can I give?

I ponder on this daily, but what have I ever done,
I ask God, why am I here, what can I possibly say to you?
God responds, for you my child, that which is none,
Praise me and live by my word and I will come back for you.

**ThatHookerStoleMyName!!1!** · 10-14-2008, 07:47 AM

Your avatar fucking creeps me out man. Good Poem BTW

**Blaze7** · 10-14-2008, 09:00 AM

Wow well put... its very good.

Btw I love the ava, but I see where you could get creeped out, it looks like its staring into the depths of your soul... XD jk
Anyways nice work.

**Bull3t.In.My.H3Art** · 10-14-2008, 09:44 AM

really nicely put.
good job!

**Kuchikukan** · 10-14-2008, 10:19 AM

your actually doing something while we are on skype? wow.

**AnimeJunky** · 10-14-2008, 11:07 AM

I'm not too much into poems but I give ya two thumbs up.

**Gingerbread Dead People** · 10-14-2008, 01:38 PM

Despite the fact I am non-religious, I thought ur poem was pretty good and spells out ur views and feelings on God and the word very well.

The only real criticims I have is that, occasionally some of the lines in ur verses are a little too long, they kind of tangle up the rhythm of the poem, but otherwise very nice.

Quote:

"A guardian, a watcher I was made to be,"

for some reason I really like this line

**jingettey** · 10-15-2008, 04:46 AM

i like your style and the way it all rhymes

on the whole i have to agree with ginger :\